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  • Writer's pictureKristel Kongas

Love is Not Something That You Do, Love is What You Are



At its core, love is an innate quality that each individual possesses. It's not something that needs to be turned on or off, nor is it something that we only give to certain people under specific conditions. Love is a constant, a fundamental aspect of our humanity that influences how we interact with the world around us. Love is expressed through actions, words, and gestures. While these are important, they only represent the surface level of a much deeper phenomenon. True love transcends the physical and verbal expressions; it's a state of being, a part of our intrinsic nature.


The Misconception of Conditional Love

Our society often portrays love as conditional, something that must be earned or can be lost. However, this view limits our understanding and experience of love. True love is unconditional and unchanging. It doesn't fluctuate based on circumstances or actions. When we start to view love as what we are, we begin to see it as a stable, ever-present part of our existence. Viewing love as an integral part of ourselves transforms how we approach relationships. Instead of striving to 'do' love right, we focus on being in a state of love. This shift allows for more authentic, meaningful connections, as we interact with others from a place of genuine care and affection, rather than obligation or expectation.


The Conditional Relationships Paradigm

Most relationships start on a conditional basis – where love and affection are given in exchange for something else, be it emotional support, financial stability, or social status. In such relationships, love is treated more like a transaction than a genuine emotional connection. This conditional approach often leads to disappointment and dissolution when the 'conditions' are no longer met.


Transitioning to Unconditional Love

As individuals mature, the realization dawns that true, lasting relationships are those grounded in unconditional love. This transition from conditional to unconditional love involves a profound internal shift. It requires recognizing the inherent value in others, not for what they provide but for who they are. This shift is described by Rumi: "Love is the bridge between you and everything." Embracing unconditional love can transform lives. It creates relationships based on genuine affection, respect, and understanding. Such relationships are resilient, able to withstand life's ups and downs, and provide a stable, nurturing environment for personal growth.




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